Damaging the Hurting

That question might not make a lot of sense, but it's one I've asked myself a lot. I've watched it happen, and done it myself. Someone crosses our path who is hurting or struggling with something. We offer our support, counsel, opinions and, hopefully, encouragement. After a time, we think they should be doing better by now. After all, we told them how to fix it. And let's be honest, it's a little tiring talking about the same things again. So we start to back off, and since we seem to know how to be there for people, we start to look for the next victim for our opinions. Since most humans need people around them to walk alongside, we find another quickly enough, and abandon the first to their own devices. Using this method, we can help so many people! (Sarcasm fully intended.) 

I've watched this scenario play out many times, had it happen to me, and have done it to others. And it bothers me. A lot. For many reasons.

Why do we think our opinions are the answer? Why must we always be looking for the next hurting person so we can sympathetically hash out their story of hurt and then talk about our own like it's going to provide all the answers they need?? Why does it feel like so often in trying to offer support to someone else, we turn it around into our own bellyache about what happened to us? Is it impossible to pass on the lessons our own pain has taught us, without also passing on many extracurricular details about exactly how we were hurt and why and what it did to us? Are we incapable of pointing others to Jesus, or offering tools to work through emotions, or just listening without forming a fix it plan? Can we not ask questions and learn about the individual, instead of telling someone what's wrong with them? 

I'm young, I don't have much experience with this, and I don't believe I have many, if any, answers to my questions. Maybe some of you can teach me.

One thing I do have is opinions on all the questions I asked. One of them is that I think we don't have a very good idea of what supporting someone actually looks like. Or maybe it's that we don't like the time it takes, and we get bored. That sounds awful, but I'm suspicious it might be a little more close to accurate than most of us would like to admit. I get tired of my own issues, so reason would argue that I'm much more likely to get tired of hearing about someone else's. I'm a selfish human, after all. My own problems are much more important than yours. (Again, sarcasm intended.)

Another opinion I have is that regurgitating my own pain that I say I have worked through is not necessarily helpful. There's lessons I've learned that I can pass on to others, and things I have done that helped me. But I don't think it's always necessary to go over all the pain that taught me those things. Sometimes it's helpful, but dare I say that more often than not, I tend to turn a conversation to me when I try to insert my own story, rather than listening to another or pointing them toward truth.

And that's all my opinions that I'm willing to share today. 😏 I have two ears and one mouth for a reason. I think my mouth should be zipped shut and my ears propped open a little more.