Poking the Bear: Modesty

I like controversial subjects. I actually enjoy "poking the bear" on occasion, or asking questions from another perspective, even if I agree with your point of view. 

Modesty is one that never fails to get a wide variety of responses. It's a subject that's been rolling around in my mind for over 2 years, while I tried to sort the thoughts and convictions I had into intelligent words that could be expressed. 

Before I let you in on some of those thoughts and convictions, there's a few things you should know about me. I grew up Mennonite and married into a conservative Christian family that is not Mennonite. My children are growing up in a home with mixed cultures... some of how I dress is very Mennonite culture, and some of it fits more into my husband's culture. We have attempted to take things we appreciate from our respective backgrounds and incorporate them into our home. Some of these thoughts on modesty really started rolling around after I had children and realized just how wide a variety of cultures they are exposed to. The whole culture thing is another blog post or 2 for another time. 😋

This is by no means all the thoughts I have on the subject, and neither have I 'arrived' in my own viewpoints. My goal is to make you think, whether you agree with me or not. Some points might feel repetitive or disjointed, but I never did claim to be a good writer, so proceed at your own risk. 😉

#1. Understanding your worth to God, how He thinks of you, and His purpose for creating humankind, is foundational to your understanding of modesty and how it applies to you.

How you dress all ties back to what lens you view yourself through... your belief in how God views you and what He made you to be OR how you believe other people view you and what they want you to be OR a combination of the first 2 options (trying to live for Christ while also trying to please everyone.) I don't think it matters if a person professes to be a Christian or an atheist or a Muslim or a Jew, you will fall under one of those options. As humans, we all follow someone or something, and live our lives according to who or what our thoughts are centered around. 

Because I am a Christian, I'm coming from that perspective. I feel like we do a great job of pretending to dress to glorify God, while choosing our wardrobe according to what people say or what we want them to say. I don't care how 'conservative' or 'liberal' your views, whether you're a guy or a girl, God created His children to glorify Him, and what you wear or don't wear is a part of that. How secure you are in your identity in Christ will play out in your life, including how you choose your outfits. Have you searched out the heart of God and His will for you and His thoughts toward you? 

#2. Biblical modesty, if you want to majorly simplify it, means "appropriate" and that covers all areas of our lives. 

What's appropriate for me to wear to chase cattle in the barn is not appropriate wear for a worship service. What vehicle is appropriate for me to drive depends on what I need, what I can afford, and my reasons for wanting it. Refer back to the point on glorifying God with our lives... and also, consider how culture affects what is appropriate. Are you desensitized to immodesty because of the culture you live in? If you were dropped into a Hindu temple, how much would you need to change to be allowed there? Would you change your outfits so you could visit tourist attraction with a dress code? Why are we often more likely to do that than we are to look in the mirror and ask ourselves if our outfit helps me glorify God or if it brings attention to some aspect of our figure we'd kinda like to have noticed? Or maybe we like to just dress a certain way because it helps us feel better about ourselves? That's not actually wrong, but it is a problem if that's how we are finding our identity. Who am I glorifying if I'm dressing only to feel good about myself?? 

#3. God created beauty. He created women to be beautiful, and while we might say some are more beautiful than others, every woman has beauty God gave to her. 

This is especially for women. This concept applies to men too, but since I'm a woman, I'm talking to you, ladies. God made you to glorify Him, not look like a washed up sack of potatoes. He made you beautiful. Look in the mirror and be honest about what beauty God gave you. Choosing colours, styles or patterns that compliment your skin tone, eyes or body shape is not wrong. Is there a difference between dressing provocativly or to draw attention and dressing to complement the beauty God gave you? I think there is. How God-honouring is it if everyone can see up your skirt when you sit down? How God-honouring is it when your clothes are so saggy you look like a wrung out dishrag? I read a quote once that I wish I could find again so I could give credit to whoever said it... but it went something along these lines. "Your clothes should be tight enough to show you are a woman and loose enough to show you are a lady." I feel that quote sums it up nicely. I'm not gonna give a list of do's and don'ts on what you should or shouldn't wear, but this is what I am gonna leave for you...

Embrace biblical feminity. If you're a Christian woman and that concept gets your dander up, there's a good chance it's different than what you think it is. Start by reading about women in the Bible and how God related to them... (Numbers 27, Judges 4, 2 Kings 22, John 4, Acts 16, for a start.) Being a woman is a special place in God's kingdom and you cannot fill the purpose for which God put you here if you cannot see the beauty of being feminine. 

Personal confession here; I'm starting to struggle a bit with the fact that I wear some pretty ratty/old dresses around home. I like to be a good frugal Mennonite and wear my clothes out, but... is it actually God-honouring for me to wear my worst looking clothing while I'm filling my current role as a wife & mom?? If I was a CEO in a company, how would I be dressing to go to work every day? Am I honoring God if I try to ignore the beauty He gave me or if I try to flaunt it? How do I I give glory and honour to Him with how I clothe and conduct myself?? 

#4. If 'God looks on the heart' is your go-to phrase when discussing modesty or decisions you make, you might want to reconsider what that actually says about you. 

You aren't wrong in saying that; its a biblical truth; but if that's on repeat, you have some digging to do. I hope I can make myself clear here. I'm not saying that it is wrong to say God judges the heart or God looks on the heart. The posture of our heart is most important to Him. My point is if that is my only reasoning for the choices I make, I have little idea what it means to form convictions based in the word of God and His will for me. I can say God knows my heart and still have no clue why I do what I do. People can give you lists of what to say and do, and you have no clue what the point behind it is, if there even is one. There's a flip side to that though and I going to step out on a limb here and say that when those of us who lived with strict church rules set out to find our identity with Christ, we often end up on that flip side. We are so delighted to discover that the Lord's will for us was never to bind us up in regulations that we forget what His will for us actually is. We forget that as His creation, created to glorify Him, our lives must honour His holiness, point toward Him and center around Him. The truth that God looks on the heart is not a pat phrase to cover all. It's actually a standard of holiness that we often don't grasp, and we don't understand how completely that must govern our lives. 

And now I'll really stick my neck out and give a few of my thoughts on the whole thing of 'women are not responsible for the lustful thoughts of men'. I agree with that statement. You are not responsible for another's thoughts. You are responsible for what you choose to attract. 

Read those 2 sentences again. Whether you are a man or woman, God gave us all a body that could be used to attract attention from the opposite gender. I'm sticking by my previous opinion that you need to dress to glorify God, and that doesn't all look the same for everyone. What exactly you should wear is not spelled out in scripture. There's plenty of room for diversity. There's also some pretty clear teaching on how Christians are to live and it applies to pretty much everything in life, including what you wear. I'm going to throw this out there though... if I don't dress like a God-honouring lady, why on earth would I expect men to treat me like a God-honouring gentlemen would?? If this is confusing for you, go back and start studying the ladies of scripture. Lets learn what it is to be a strong lady, secure in her calling for the kingdom, her identity in Christ and who she was created to be. Maybe if we grasp that, modesty won't be a subject that nudges our blood pressure up quite so badly.